As we share Thanksgiving with family and friends, we acknowledge it is a time of gratitude and thankfulness. We also know it is a time of great anxiety to those experiencing an eating disorder—either personally or as witness to someone we care about. The following may sound familiar…
So much trepidation. So much deceit. Everyone is seated around the table. So much food. To her, disgusting amounts of food. She may secretly want to dive in head first. But, she can’t. She would never. She is frozen. She feels that all eyes are on her again. Another holiday. No matter where she is in her eating disorder, she’s never quite sure how to play it. This head game. She tries to be normal. They know she’s not. They are worried: waiting anxiously to see a change, an improvement, a sign that she’s ”over it”. They try not to let her see their glances. She sees. To her, it feels like judgment day.
She should not make a scene right now. Or should she? What does it matter? They are all watching her anyway. Anticipating her cry for attention. Or maybe willing her to plea for help... But, if she pulls off “normal”, they will rest assured that (if only) for the time being, she’s better. They’ll move on to other things. She will escape their scrutiny (if only) for today.
They are all so judgmental. Nagging her. Concerning themselves with her health. Wanting to help fix this battle she deals with all day—every day. Hoping she will experience joy and fully engage in life. Praying she will conquer and move on. They, too, deal with this all day. Every day.
She has a choice to make today, on this holiday. And every day is a new day.
While seeking help may be difficult for some, offering help may be difficult for others. With family and friends around, be gentle with one another. Count your blessings, hug your loved ones and be grateful for these times. The Hull Institute wishes you all a very peaceful and happy Thanksgiving.
Thank you for posting this. Thanksgiving day is just another day. One at a time. That's how I roll! Happy Holidays to you all!
ReplyDelete- Lesley Richard
Thanksgiving is over but Christmas and New Years are just around the corner so times are tough...food, food, and more food! So much anxiety and fear for me this time of year...I dread the holidays and being tempted by all of the desserts, cookies, and other scary foods that I only allow myself to eat if I am going to purge. I really want to break this 17 yr long cycle of binging and purging during the holidays but change is difficult and it means work!
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